Feel What You’re Feeling

5 ways to avoid depleted energy states.

Photo byDamir Spanicon Unsplash

Nicholas Janni says that tiredness is often not a physical feeling of being tired, it’s a depleted energy state from fighting our emotions all day.

It’s an inability to feel the feelings that we have, which leads to resisting them. This takes energy; it’s a constant struggle against your feelings.

In a facebook live video with Chen Lizra, Janni says that people think if they suppress their emotions they will disappear. This is not true.

Emotions are there to be felt, accepted, and surrendered to.

If we can get to the point of acceptance, and allowing them to be there, then we can live in peace and harmony with them.

David Hawkins talks about the three major ways of handling feelings in Letting Go: suppression and repression, expression, or escape.

When you suppress, consciously, or repress, unconsciously, you muddle through the best you can, you might wish that you didn’t have the feelings that you have, imagine something else, or even ridicule yourself for having them.

This isn’t self-acceptance, this isn’t self-love.

If you have butterflies in your stomach before a big event, then remove yourself from the event for a moment, go to the bathroom, or somewhere quiet so that you can collect yourself.

Breathe into the butterflies a little; accept them, try to find some coherence between your mind and your body sensations.

Find your centre.

If you can feel into your experience, without shame, judgement, or resistance to it, then you’ll begin to find that the butterflies all start coalescing in the same direction.

When I was involved in live music; before it disappeared, we all recognised nervous excitement as one of the essential components to an incredible performance.

Every energy has two possible conceptual options.

Nervous excitement is the same energy as anxiety.

It’s essential to know the right context, yet, it’s also good to know that the narrative that you assign to things is significant to the outcome of the situation.

If you approach an opportunity to sing in front of others with a narrative that “they’re going to laugh at me”, you’ll be significantly more anxious than excited.

I’ve been taking a ‘neuroscience of change’ course with Coaches Rising. One of the guiding principles they teach is that our experience of life is either conceptual; our rational, logical, language and symbolism, and our embodied sense; present moment awareness, sensation, action, spontaneous vibrancy.

Between conceptual and embodied experience, there is the emotional experience, which ties the two together.

Our experience of life is a pendulum between these two aspects, that might go out of balance at any moment.

Bring a choice conscious awareness to this process, and then begin to choose which group to draw from in any given moment.

Here’s 5 ways to bring awareness to this subject:

Am I depleted?

Next time you feel tired consistently, ask your Self:

‘Am I depleted?’

The chances are that if you consistently feel tired, then there is a consistent pattern of behaviour in your life that is depleting you.

The body is good at rejuvenating, and unless you’re missing sleep, or your sleeping patterns are off, you’ll likely be able to recover reasonably quickly from stressful situations unless you’ve suffered from trauma.

You wake up every day and play the same narratives and beliefs in your head.

Is it one of these that is depleting you?

I’ve experienced a profound shift in my daily energy state through the process of self-enquiry. Uncovering the beliefs and frictions that exist in my life, and then working to take action to improve them.

I used to live my life in a depleted stupor. I’m not saying I never get depleted; however, it’s improved.

Even the idea of writing one article, a year ago, made me feel heavy. Now I write once a day.

Repressing emotion takes energy

It takes a significant amount of energy to repress an emotion; continually, forever.

I can use a personal example. I’ve felt a lot of fear for my life from the childhood trauma I experienced, where I perceived my life in danger from a violent attack on me.

I’ve done many sessions of psychotherapy around this, over a year and a half. I’m now getting to the stage where I can feel some of the embodied emotions around that event.

I notice a constriction around my chest of fear. The more I become aware of it, the more I see that the squeeze is resistance to feeling the fear, and sometimes a shame that blocks me from relaxing into that sensation.

My chest and rib cage felt like they were trying to enclose it. My lungs were burning, and they felt heavy from the bottom third.

The process of surrender feels like releasing this energy. The energy that is trying to keep the fear suppressed and outside of my conscious awareness.

If I breathe into it and have an intention to relax into the feeling, I feel my chest open up, and a relief feeling.

Then I can feel my fear fully, and it’s uncomfortable sometimes. Since I’m remembering a memory where I feel unsafe, it doesn’t mean I am unsafe.

It takes so much energy to form the tension to hold down the emotion in your body.

Remember, emotion is energy in motion, so holding it down requires equal and opposite energy.

A lot of people set their muscles when they feel strong emotion; keeping them in a state of hypertension.

Modern science proves that a mental activity makes your brain believe that it’s actually experiencing the memory.

Imagine a barking dog, a furry spider or another perceived threat and your brain and body respond much like they would if you experienced the real thing.

That’s exhausting.

Surrender, and let go

If you let go and fully feel your feelings, then you’ll find that nothing untoward happens.

In the rare occasion that your feelings are overwhelming, it’s a sign that you need to seek more support for healing.

It can feel scary, or overwhelming, to have strong feelings, and it’s not generally accepted to have and show them. However, it’s the resistance to the feeling that causes the biggest socially unacceptable — or undesirable behaviour.

Exploding in anger, living in a continued depressive state, controlling others, suppressing others opinions, expressions, or emotions, generally come from someone who can’t sit with, and feel their feelings.

Would you say that fear blocks you?

A myth.

Fear doesn’t block you. It’s the resistance you have to feeling it that is the block. If you can surrender and feel the fear, then you’ll discover that it discharges in a short amount of time.

The average healthy emotion lasts for 90 seconds.

Feel what you feel

With the fear example, if you feel what you feel, you’ll notice that your energy opens up rather than closes off.

It feels expansive, and you can bring your conscious awareness to it. From there you can understand the lessons that it’s trying to teach you.

As long as there’s not immersion in the memory or experience; which is called re-traumatisation, you’ll be able to follow the flow of the feeling, the associated memories, and feel it until it dissipates in your body.

An essential part of this process is to share it with someone else who is capable — giving the whole process even more energy and importance.

Find people who feel the same

There’s a lot of smart shaming, and shaming of feelings, around.

Western society is built around conceptualisation; rational, logic idolisation. Find people who allow you to feel in safety, without making fun of you, or shaming you. This is crucial, and it’s always good to have fun in life but make a distinction if you’ve entered a vulnerable state in confidence and consent with another.

If they consent, and then treat you in these ways, then they can’t hold your emotions in their body in a respectful manner.

There are many reasons why this may be the case, and it’s essential to log this as the case, and not keep entering those spaces continually asking for different results.

There are people out there who can hold space for your emotions respectfully.

Integrating thoughts

The agreement here is between you and your body. To know your experience of life ultimately; to understand what happened to you when, and how it felt.

How everyday experience ties into your unique history, and what that can tell you about what you want less of, or more.

A lot of people with a history of suppressing their feelings, struggle to know what is acceptable in their world; where their boundaries are, what type of person suits them, or even what their values are.

Feelings; emotions, are the tie between conceptual and embodied experience.

The more you can accept them, the more you can accept yourself.

What’s one small thing that you can change, to bring this practice into your life?

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